Never Let Me Go
by AelinGreywaren
Summary: The five times that Bellamy asks Clarke to come home. And the one time, he doesn't. [abandoned]
1. Chapter 1

One

Clarke was shivering, pulling her war gear as close to her body as she possibly could. The nights were always the worst, the cold unrelenting, managing to wrap itself around every inch of her. But a part of her welcomed it, the chattering of her teeth, the ice in her veins. It was a distraction. A tiny one, but a distraction all the same. It kept the thoughts at bay, if only for a moment. But there was nothing, not even the cold, that could keep the nightmares from taking her.

The worst part, was that they weren't recurring. When she closed her eyes and faced the darkness, she never knew what she'd find before her. Would it Maya - laying dead and burned in Jasper's arms? Would it be the children, bowed and broken atop their plates? Would it be Dante, falling to the ground, the life seeping from the hole she'd put in him?

Falling asleep was like throwing darts, only she couldn't control on which of her nightmares, they would land.

She lay there for hours, forcing her eyes to stay open, but eventually she was helpless against the weight of her lids, succumbing to the darkness.

* * *

_"Mom."_

_Abby lay strapped to the table, fighting against the restraints, the drill inching closer to her leg._

_The thoughts were reeling in her head._

_She didn't have a choice._

_She had to do this. She had to._

_She turned to face her left, expecting to see Bellamy, but he wasn't there. Neither was Monty. She was alone._

_'You killed all those people.'_

_'Their blood is on your hands.'_

_Her hands, her hands, they were always her hands._

_She clasped her hand around the lever, eyes closed, ready to pull. But then she felt pressure atop of them. She opened her eyes, and was met with a sinister sneer. Not from Bellamy. From Cage._

_"You won't do this."_

_She swallowed, looked to the screens, looked to Cage, looked to her hands, still gripping the lever._

_She breathed in, she breathed out. She had to do this. She would._

_"You are so weak." She saw his lips move, but the words she heard were Lexa's. She shut her eyes closed again, biting her teeth to keep from screaming. Weakness, weakness, was this weakness?_

_"What have you done, Clarke?" She felt nauseous, too many voices. She flashed her head around and saw Bellamy standing there. His head shaking, shock and disgust in his eyes._

_She looked back down to her hands, only the lever was gone, replaced with something else. She was holding the drill. And the bodies around her weren't the Mountain Men. They were her friends. Her people. Their blood staining her hands red._

_"This one's on you, Princess."_

* * *

Clarke shot up, her breaths coming out in uneven gasps, her heart threatening to hammer out from her chest. She thrust the blanket covering her to the side, moved to the side pressing a hand to her mouth, but she was unable to keep herself from retching. She hadn't had much to eat or drink in the past few days, so she dry heaved - the pain in her throat, nothing compared to the agony in her chest. She bowed her head into her hands and began to sob uncontrollably, her entire body shaking.

Try as she might she couldn't get the image of all her people, lying drained before her, out of her head. And even when she did all it was replaced with was that of the Mountain Men. She took in some air, desperately trying to steady her breathing to some semblance of normal. In and out. Breath by breath. She slowly regained some control.

Light pooled in through the drop ship door, the sun illuminating the space around her, a promise of warmth. One she knew unfortunately wouldn't last. She stood up reluctantly, and walked back to her makeshift bed, picking up the blanket she had thrust to the ground and dusting it off. It was only as she started to fold the blanket that she realized, it hadn't been here the night before.

Her body tensed, her senses immediately sharpening to attention. She gripped the blanket tighter in her hands, and walked towards the doors hesitantly, not knowing who she would find on the other side. She pulled back the sheet stepping outside, bringing a hand to shield her eyes from the brightness. Her eyes took a moment to adjust, but when they did, they searched the scene and quickly landed on a figure, slumped against a tree, heavy in sleep.

She allowed a breath to escape her lips, just for a moment, as a whisper of relief coursed through her at the sight of him. Clarke walked towards him, crouching beside where he was knocked out and placed the blanket gently across his chest.

Clearly he hadn't been as deep in sleep as she'd thought, for his eyes shot open almost immediately, panic, recognition, and something else flashing across them.

"Hey", she whispered cooly.

"Hey", he replied, his tone mirroring hers.

She leaned back, giving him space to stand and shrug the earth off his pants. Clarke followed his actions, standing and facing him head on.

"I see you found my blanket.", Bellamy said, gesturing to her hands.

"What are you doing here, Bellamy.", lowering her voice, dispelling any emotion from it, so it wouldn't betray just how much his action had affected her.

He crossed his arms, taunt over his chest. "What do you think Clarke? You go off into the woods with no food, no water, no supplies, and you expect us to just leave out here to die?"

Even Clarke had to admit that had been stupid. She hadn't been thinking past that moment, she couldn't think about anything other than the present. But after a few hours of walking, and a night bracing the elements alone, the present became cold, hunger, and thirst. And she couldn't avoid it anymore.

"Thank you," she whispered. Softly this time.

Bellamy leaned his head to the side, beckoning her with his eyes. She looked past them, and noticed for the first time that he was standing beneath the sign - the sign begging her to come home. Looking at it now, all she felt was emptiness. The thought of home, bringing only pain.

"You know we have plenty more of those at Camp. And food, and water."

She closed her eyes, hearing and feeling him step closer to her.

"You could come back with me. You could come home. _Clarke_... you don't have to do this alone", echoing the words he'd spoken to her just a few days ago.

She thought of her mother, her friends, and for a moment she let herself hope. Let herself pretend that she could make it all go away, and go on living like nothing had happened. And then the nightmare from just minutes ago reverberated back through her body, the scenes splaying red across her vision. She wasn't ready, she wasn't strong enough. Not yet.

She forced herself to meet his gaze, shaking her head slowly.

"I can't.", she choked out. "Not yet."

His head dipped, and he released a sigh.

"I know. But I had to try."

He turned to leave, but paused and looked back at her once more, "There's food, water, and clean sets of clothes in the bag by the door. I didn't know if you'd seen it yet, I just.. I just wanted you to know."

He brought her what she needed. He knew she wouldn't be coming back with him. He knew nothing he could have said to her today, would have been enough. She felt a tear threaten to spill over, and she blinked hard and fast to clear it.

"May we meet again." she heard him say.

Clarke sucked in a breath, and watched him leave through the gates.

"_May we meet again_", she whispered to the stillness around her, and turned to walk back towards the drop ship, blanket in tow, alone.

* * *

**A/N : **It's been one day since the finale and I'm obviously still a mess. That Bellarke moment just hurts so good. But writing seems to be my way of coping with the 100 induced pain lately, so of course I couldn't resist writing some Bellarke drabbles. Tbh the thing that inspired me to write this most, was the fact that I'm just so confused how Clarke left without anything... where's your water Clarke? Do you have food? Do you have some weapons? I'm so concerned.

Anyways, I'm just rambling now, so I hope this first little scene turned out ok. As always, any reviews and feedback are much appreciated :)

No characters are mine. They all belong to the CW.


	2. Chapter 2

Two

Bellamy led the patrol group back into camp, holding the gate open as Miller and the other guards shuffled on through. He lingered there a moment, before closing it, just like he always did. Every single time he stood here he unable to keep himself from remembering the time he walked back in alone, without the one person he needed by his side. No matter how hard he tried, Bellamy found himself constantly running that conversation through his head over and over again.

He remembered it all, her soft lips pressed to his cheek, her warm breath on his shoulder, and most painfully of all, her body slipping away from his arms. The look in her eyes, had broken his heart, and he hated himself for not being able to take all that pain away. Hated himself for not being enough to make her stay.

He let out a harsh breath before shaking the thoughts away and walked back towards Camp, where he was set to have another lengthy status and security meeting with Kane. Since returning back to Camp, they'd named Bellamy chief guard, and for the past month he'd been trying to adjust to the new position, reconcile this new dynamic with the old one he'd always known. Tensions had been running high, not only for him, but for everyone. There was no doubt in anyone's minds that their alliance with the Grounders was effectively broken. They'd been expecting at least a message, a sign of sorts, but in the weeks since the attack on Mount Weather, they'd been met with only silence. And somehow that silence managed to terrify him more than any battle call.

It was at times like this he wished Clarke was with him. She'd know what to make of this and what steps they should take to handle it. At the back of his mind he knew that he could always walk to the drop ship, find her, and ask her. At this point even just the sound of her voice would have been enough to ease his stress, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't keep re-opening that wound, seeing her again, only to know he'd have to say goodbye.

He hadn't seen her in a month, not since that morning. Kane and Abby had ordered a search party to go out and find her immediately, but Bellamy had lied to them, telling them he'd already checked the drop ship and she hadn't been there. They'd been gone for 5 days, before coming home empty handed, the devastation on Abby's face causing a tightening in his chest. He knew they probably thought she was dead, it's the normal assumption anyone would have made. The 100 had barely been able to survive on earth together, so how was Clarke supposed to do it alone? Bellamy wished he could have told them where she was, at least told Abby, but he knew that wasn't what Clarke would have wanted, and despite everything, he still would do anything for her.

Instead he'd decided to let Monty know what happened to her, and where she was. Bellamy had a gut feeling that Monty and Clarke had always had some sort of connection, and after everything they'd been through at Mount Weather, he knew that Monty was someone he could trust. They'd been making care packages for her ever since, Monty delivering them to her once a week on the dot. As hard as it was for him, Bellamy couldn't help himself from hunting Monty down every time he got back from seeing her. He knew they must have talked, Monty would typically be gone for hours at a time, but Bellamy never pressed him what about. That was between them. Every part of him wished that he could be the one to talk to her, and see her with his own eyes, but he had responsibilities here, and leaving her again and again would only get harder. But he still had to know if she was alright.

Bellamy glanced upwards at the sun, the heat was bringing beads of sweat to his brow. It was high in the sky, and at its peak - he knew it must have been past noon. Monty had left just over an hour ago, so judging from the past few weeks Bellamy knew he probably wouldn't be back until the sun was starting to set. He dreaded the wait, so for the first time, this meeting with Kane felt more like a blessing, a much needed distraction.

Bellamy was just about the enter the Ark, when he heard a figure running towards him. He turned his head and saw a blur of black hair, and before he knew it Monty was before him, panting and out of breath, gripping onto his arm. At the look of panic in the boy's eyes, Bellamy felt his stomach drop and his blood ran cold. He quickly reached into his pack and pulled out a water bottle, throwing it at Monty and moving them around to the other side, somewhere where they wouldn't make a scene.

"Monty, what happened?", he asked, fearing the worst.

He waited a few seconds as Monty gulped down the water, and was finally able to steady his breath enough to get the words out.

"She's gone, Bellamy."

Bellamy ran a hand through his hair, trying to keep himself composed. He tried to fight his mind as it played through dozens of worst case scenarios.

"What do you mean gone? She just left? Are you sure? Did you check the perimeter, did you check everywhere?"

Monty nodded his head violently, "I checked all around, and there was no sign of her. I ran back here as fast as I could, but Bellamy, her stuff was still in the drop ship. What if.. What if someone took her?"

Bellamy swallowed, taking a sharp intake of breath. The thought of her kidnapped, in danger, was more than enough to bring nausea up his throat.

"I'm going after her."

"I'm going with you."

Bellamy couldn't let that happen, the kid already looked like he was going to pass out, and if Clarke was taken by some crazy grounders he wasn't about to put Monty in danger too.

_Take care of them for me._

That was all that she'd asked and that was exactly what he was going to do.

"No, Monty. I need you to stay here. Cover for me - if Kane asks, tell him I wanted to check out something we'd pissed on patrol. And if he asks anymore, just stall him with something."

Monty nodded his head, but he was still pale, clearly terrified. Bellamy placed a steadying hand on his shoulder, "Hey, it's going to be ok. I'm sure she's fine. Don't worry, I'll find her." He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince more, Monty or himself.

He tightened his pack across his shoulder, and instinctively reached his hand to grip the rifle at his side. He waited until a small crowd of people had dispersed before running carefully to the other side of camp to Raven's hole in the fence. He bowed his head and snuck on out, and as soon as he was out of sight, he ran.

* * *

Clarke placed the blanket across a low hanging branch of the tree and then began to strip off the sweater and pants she was wearing. Left in her shirt and underwear, she made her way down the rocks, until she reached the water. She stepped in, the cold water pooling over her feet, causing a shiver to course up her spine. She stood there for a minute, letting her body adjust to the temperature, before she took a few steps further and further in, until her lower half was completely soaked. Clarke leaned back, letting the water lap around her waist, before finally lying all the way down, letting it cover her completely.

The first time she'd come to lake had been two weeks ago, and she'd been terrified. She'd just sat on the shore and stared out at the water, remembering the last time she'd been here their first few days on Earth.

The next time she'd brought a makeshift spear that'd she'd made one morning. Maybe it had been for protection, and maybe it had been because she wanted to catch some fish, but whatever it was it brought her comfort. And yet she was still too afraid to go in.

The third time she'd come resolute - a blanket and a change of dry clothes in hand. She was going to go in. She'd had enough of bathing in a bucket at the back of the drop ship, barely reaching all the parts of her that were caked with dirt. This wasn't just about getting in the water anymore, it was about hygiene. And yet even with all that motivation, she just stood there with her toe barely touching the water. She yelled out in frustration, picking up a large rock and throwing it into the lake. She picked up another, throwing them over and over again, releasing all the anger she had pent up towards herself, before collapsing in exhaustion, hot tears stinging the corners of her eyes. She was ready to give up and leave, for good this time, when she heard a voice coming from beside her.

"What's wrong Princess? You scared of a little water?"

Her eyes widened, and she turned and saw Finn, brown hair long and wild, his eyes teasing her, challenging her to go in. Her eyes burned at seeing him again. She knew he wasn't real, but the pain of the memory tore at her heart all the same. She instinctively looked down at his chest, but the knife wound she'd inflicted was no where to be found.

"I'm not scared.", she choked out as convincingly as she could.

Ghost Finn cocked his head to the side, a mocking smile spreading across his lips, "Could have fooled me."

She closed her eyes, unable to bear the sight of him any longer. She hadn't remembered him in this way for so long. Ever since coming back from Mount Weather she'd finally been able to mourn him the way she hadn't been able to with the threat of war breathing down her shoulders. Every time she thought of him, she relived that memory - the moment she took his life. For so long he'd existed in her mind as someone she'd hurt and broken. Seeing him like this, like the boy she'd fallen in love with, was managing to break her heart over again.

"Clarke.", his voice beeseched her to face him. "You can do this. I _know_ you can."

He stared at her with the same unwavering faith he'd had in her when he'd been still alive. Something in that look of his managed to finally give her the strength she needed. She could do this. She'd done it before, she'd done it with him. He was by her side then, and he was here with her now. She looked at him one more time, took a deep breath, and finally stepped in.

She'd been coming here ever since, the water giving her some of the peace she so desperately needed. Sometimes Finn came too, perching on the larger rocks near where she swam. They'd joke around, she'd splash at him and he'd splash right on back. She'd lay out on the rock next to him, basking in the sun, letting it warm her to the bone. He'd ask her about Raven, if she was ok, if she was happy. Clarke told him about Wick, the way he loved her, and would do anything for her. Finn would smile at that, happy to know that Raven had finally found someone she deserved. Someone who gave her everything he'd ultimately failed to.

Clarke made her way out to the middle of the lake, paddling herself around in circles. Finn hadn't appeared yet, so she passed the time dipping her head below the surface. Up and down, up and down, wondering if she'd be able to touch the bottom. She surfaced, pushed the hair from out of her face and lay back again, letting the sun warm her face. But she was stirred from her daydreaming when a voice, cold and deep, echoed from the shore.

"What the hell is this?"

She shot her head up from the water, and saw Bellamy standing a few meters away. She gasped out in shock, and immediately swam to the shore and stood up out of the water. She was immediately conscious of the fact that she was half naked, dripping wet with her shirt clinging to her body. Her face flushed red, both in embarrassment and anger as he ran his eyes up the length of her body, before returning them to her eyes. His were hard set, betraying no trace of emotion other than disbelief and anger. He took a step back and reached out for her towel, and flung it forcefully into her arms.

She grabbed it and wrapped it around herself tightly, covering as much of herself as she could.

"What are you doing here Bellamy", she said through chattering teeth.

He took a step closer to her, and despite every thought that screamed at her to step back, she stayed in place.

"_Me_? What am I doing here? I'm the one who should be asking you. What the fuck were you thinking Clarke?"

She met his angry stare with one of her own, "What I was thinking, was that I was going for a swim, _alone_, in private. I wasn't aware that wasn't allowed, and I really wasn't expecting any one to barge in and start screaming at me."

She saw his jaw tighten and his fists clench at his side.

"A swim. A _swim_. You were taking a fucking swim while I was running around the woods, thinking that you were kidnapped, or worse, dead!"

Clarke hadn't been expecting this, and her mouth opened and closed in surprise. She shook her head, "What are you talking about Bellamy?"

"I'm talking about the fact that Monty nearly gave himself a heart attack running back to Camp to tell me that you were gone. He thought you were taken Clarke, what the hell were we supposed to think?."

Monty. She'd completely forgotten that today was the day he'd be coming. She'd always made sure to never come here on those days, but she'd clearly forgotten that today. She felt a fresh wave of guilt flow through her, knowing how panic he must have been.

Bellamy ran a hand through his sweat drenched locks, fixing his gaze on the ground and letting out a shaky breath.

"I was so scared Clarke, I thought.. I thought you were dead."

She swallowed back the tears that were welling up in her throat at the sight of him like this. Once again, she was the cause of his pain. She reached out and placed a hand on his forearm, forcing him to look up at her.

"I'm sorry Bellamy, I'm so sorry. It won't happen again, I promise."

All traces of anger was gone from his eyes, and all that was left was exhaustion.

"Do you have any idea how hard it's been Clarke? Everything… without you.. it's a mess."

She did have some idea actually. She'd been asking Monty to fill her in on how things were going at Camp. They avoided some conversations, the hard things, talking about her Mom and Jasper. Some things were just too painful to be said out loud, but she always asked him about Bellamy. How he was doing, how things were going. Monty said he was holding things together, putting up a good fight, but deep down Monty knew he was hurting. Clarke could see that for herself now, watching his strong facade slowly crumbling before her.

"You know, your Mom and Kane sent out a rescue mission."

She hadn't know that. She'd been trying not to think about her mother. She hated herself for leaving without saying goodbye, but saying it to Bellamy had been hard enough. And if her mother had asked her to stay, Clarke didn't know if she'd have the strength to go.

"Stop.", she said just above a whisper. But Bellamy was unrelenting.

"They were gone for days, searching for you high and low." He was stepping closer now, and Clarke back away, until her back was pressed up against a nearby tree. "Abby was distraught when she got back. They think you're dead Clarke, your own mother thinks you are dead."

Her heart was pounding hard, and tears were welling up in her eyes.

"**STOP**!" She cried out, placing her hands in front of her and pushing him away.

"Why?", he asked through gritted teeth, she could see and feel the anger and pain radiating off of him.

"I don't want to hear this, ok! I can't, it's too much. I can't." Her voice was shaky, and her breaths were coming out of her in uneven gasps.

Bellamy bowed his head to the ground, letting out a sigh. "They miss you Clarke."

She choked back a sob.

"I miss you. _Please_", he begged, "if you won't do it for me, then come home for them."

Clarke knew she couldn't. She was still so far from ok. Just days ago she hadn't even been able to go on a swim without having a breakdown, for crying out loud. Everything was still too fresh. The water to wash off the dirt and blood from her body, but her heart and conscience were nowhere near clean. And Bellamy blaming himself for her decision, made her heart ache. She steeled her voice, making it cold and convincing. She had to make sure he believed this, she couldn't bear him carrying it around with him for any longer.

"You have nothing to do with this Bellamy. Neither does my mother. This is about me, about everything that I've done. I need you to understand that."

"I'm trying Clarke. Damn it I'm trying, but you're making it really hard."

She let out a breath, "I just.. I just need more time."

He finally took a step back from her, collecting himself and raising his hands in defeat. Gone was the crumbling boy she'd seen just moments before, and the cold look he gave her now was almost enough knock her off her feet.

"Fine, you need time, you take it. But just remember, sooner or later, that time's going to run out."

With that he turned and stormed off, leaving her feeling guiltier than ever, in his wake.

* * *

**A/N : **Well that chapter actually ended up turning out a lot differently than I expected. I didn't even realize how much I missed Finn until I started writing that scene, and now I'm thinking about him and it hurts so much all over again.

Anyways, I'd love to hear what you guys think, and thanks to everyone who's been reading and following/favouriting so far :)


	3. Chapter 3

Three

Bellamy had spent the rest of the week fuming, snapping at anyone and anything. He'd ignored the majority of Kane's summons and thrown himself into all of the patrol groups, spending as much time away from Camp as possible. At least that way he could be pissed while still being productive. In fact just yesterday his patrol had spotted signs of a deserted Grounder camp. It was nothing big, and by the looks of it whatever the group had left, they'd been small in numbers and hadn't stayed long. They were on the move, but Bellamy didn't want to tell the council... not yet. The news would only create chaos, and they already had plenty enough of that to go around. He'd monitor the situation himself and handle it, if and when it became a threat.

Unfortunately he couldn't stay out in the woods forever and when he was at Camp he was either curt or unresponsive, something that Octavia had called him out for, her exact words being "You're acting like a complete and total ass." Raven had agreed, letting him know loud enough for everyone to hear that he was becoming harder to be around than Murphy. Now that had been a insult.

Bellamy didn't want to feel this way, and he hated the fact that his anger at Clarke was being channeled onto the others. They sure as hell didn't deserve it, and he knew that. But if he was being honestly with himself, he wasn't even sure he could call what he was feeling as just anger. Every day he grappled with the emotions raging inside of him. Even though he was relieved he found her alive rather than dead, he couldn't suppress the anger he felt at her being so... fine. He couldn't stop himself from feeling hurt, and more than that, confused. Every god damn day he struggled to get out of bed and lead these people without her. He'd thought Clarke would have felt the same way, but apparently those feelings weren't mutual. While he couldn't bear a life without her, she was doing just fine without him. That's what hurt the most.

But the more time he had alone, the more time he had to think about the way they'd left things. He'd been harsh, maybe even unfairly so, and even though he was angry... he couldn't stand the thought of her hating him. Or even worse, the thought of her thinking that he hated her.

He walked past the quarters that he'd had the council set up as a common area for the kids, and saw Monty standing by doors, pacing back and forth. Bellamy nodded at him and continued to march down the hall, but he wasn't alone, and Monty ran behind him.

Once they reached his own quarters, Bellamy finally stopped, closed the door and sighed. "What is it, Monty?"

Monty stood by the door awkwardly, his shoulders hunched and his hands shoved into his pockets. But he wasn't even looking at Bellamy, rather was turning his head around, taking in the room.

"Monty." Bellamy said more tersley, finally getting his attention.

The boy shook his head, "Sorry, it's just that your room is so much bigger than ours.. or maybe mine just feels smaller... sharing with Jasper hasn't exactly been easy."

Bellamy swallowed, seeing the guilt written on Monty's face only bringing back memories of his own. Even though over a month had passed, the tensions between Monty and Jasper clearly hadn't lessened, even Bellamy had been able to see that. The two barely spoke to each other, and when they did – Jasper was always on the offensive. It hurt him to see their friendship torn apart, but he didn't want to intervene. He didn't know how to, but Clarke... that was something she would have been able to handle. Or at least handle it better than him.

Bellamy faced away from Monty and looked at his own room, his eyes automatically drawn to the empty hammock that had belonged to Finn when they'd first been brought to Camp. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and Bellamy couldn't help but feel suffocated by a presence that wasn't even there.

"It used to be Finn's", he said, turning back to Monty whose eyes were now fixed to the ground. It hadn't taken the kids long to realize that Finn was gone. On the walk back to Mount Weather, Clarke had told Monty, but after she'd left, it'd been Bellamy's responsibility to fill in everyone else. The memory of that conversation twisted his stomach into knots, and he knew he'd never forget the looks on each and everyone of their faces as the kids who'd already suffered so much were only met with more loss.

He coughed, trying to relieve some of the tension in the air, "So, is there something you needed?"

Monty looked back up at him, "I just thought I'd tell you I got back from seeing Clarke."

Bellamy closed his eyes and let out a harsh breath, but Monty pressed on.

"She tried not to let it show, but I could tell she was upset... more than normal. Something happened between you two didn't it?"

Bellamy hadn't told Monty the details of his encounter with Clarke at the lake. He'd just told him that he'd found her, hoping he'd accept it as that.

"That's none of your business Monty."

"Like hell it's not!"

Bellamy widened his eyes, suprised at the outburst.

"Look, she's my friend and she's hurting and it's obvious to just about everyone that you are to."

Monty took a moment to pause, thinking over his next words before continuining, "You and Clarke.. you guys are all I have left right now."

Bellamy swallowed and felt a tightening in his chest. He thought he could see tears starting to pool in Monty's eyes.

"Please.. whatever is wrong... just talk to her and fix it. If you don't, trust me, you'll regret it."

Bellamy understood that Monty was talking about more than just him and Clarke. Moreover, he knew that everything he was saying was the truth. He thought of every time he'd said something awful to Octavia, and how much he'd regretted it. But Octavia was family, and Bellamy knew she'd always forgive him, but Clarke was different. She didn't have to, but Bellamy knew he needed to at least try.

"Ok," he said calmly, "I'll go talk to her."

Monty simply nodded, "Good."

He looked around once more and put a hand on the door, but Bellamy stopped him. Bellamy understood the burden that Monty was carrying around on his shoulders, he knew because the same one was crushing him. But he could only imagine how much harder it was for him, living with Jasper, and being reminded of what they'd done every time he looked into his best friend's eyes. Bellamy thought about what Clarke would do in this situation, and even though this wouldn't solve the problem, at least it'd make it easier to live with.

"Monty before you go... you know I don't need all this space to myself. I'm practically never here anyways and there no sense just keeping it empty"

Monty's brows furrowed, and Bellamy could hear how confusing his own words sounded. Damn, he sucked at this.

"What I'm trying to say is, you're more than welcome to come live here. If, you know, that's something you'd want?"

He saw the ghost of a smile appear on Monty's face. "Thanks Bellamy." That was all that needed to be said.

Bellamy smiled back for the first time in a week, finally feeling like he'd done something right, something that Clarke would have been proud of. "Anytime."

Monty left and Bellamy grabbed his pack from beneath his hammock. He threw a canteen of water in along with two of his rations, leaving as much space inside of it as he could. It was still light out, but he knew he should get going now. After all, he had a stop to make along the way.

* * *

By the time he got to the dropship the sun was starting to set... his detour had taken him longer than he'd expected, so much so that he'd ran the rest of the way here. He stopped before the gates, still hidden behind the cover of the trees, and tried to calm himself down. He felt his heart beating embarrassingly fast, and he scolded himself for being so pathetic. He shouldn't be this nervous. He hadn't even been this anxious when he'd been running for his life from the guards in Mount Weather. Why the hell was one girl able to have such an affect on him?

"Are you just going to stand here all night?"

Bellamy jumped, spinning around towards the voice so quickly that he lost his footing and tripped over a rock, falling backwards, ass-first.

"Fucking hell", he groaned as he felt pain pulsing from his tailbone all the way up to his skull. He rubbed the back of his head, as his eyes slowly adjusted to the figure standing over him. Clarke's arms were crossed, and her eyes betrayed no signs of sympathy.

"Need a hand?", she said as she stretched her free palm out towards him, the other holding a pile of large branches.

He muttered incomprehensible obscenities beneath his breath as he reached out and grabbed it, letting her pull him up. Once he was back up on his feet, albeit unsteadily, Clarke turned, walking past him through the gates. He regained his balance and picked up the branches she'd dropped in her attempt to help in, and trailed after her quickly. She was already back in the dropship by the time he got there.

"You dropped these", he announced, his voice sounding awkward and strained.

She grabbed them from his arms, replying with a cool, "Thanks".

Clarke tossed them aside with the others, which drew Bellamy's eyes to the pile of spears and arrows she'd amassed in the corner. By the looks of it, he could even see something that was starting to resemble a bow. Clearly, she'd been keeping busy.

"I see you've got quite the collection going... but you know, you could have just asked Monty to bring you a gun?"

Clarke stared back at him vacantly, and replied sharply, "No." She looked away, "No guns."

Bellamy ran a hand through his hair, and opened his mouth and said at the same time as she did, "Look I'm sorry."

They stared at eachother with tense smiles and both laughed nervously, he sighed and started again.

"No, really, Clarke.. I'm sorry. What I said to you, I didn't mean it. I was just overwhelemed.. I'm sorry." He ran out of breath, and ran out of words to say.

She took a step closer to him, and he felt himself tense even though she was still well beyond his reach.

"No, you were right, Bellamy... I should have remembered that Monty was coming. I didn't think.. I never wanted to worry you like that, I'm sorry."

If only she knew that as long as they were separated, he would never be able to stop worrying about her.

"Maybe we should stop apologizing to eachother, Princess."

She stared back at him, his heart clenching at the sadness in her eyes, "Maybe we should stop doing things we need to apologize for."

Bellamy swallowed, gazing right back at her. "Maybe we should", he whispered. In that moment he wanted to do nothing more than wrap her in his arms, and kiss her. Taking away every ounce of her pain. He wanted to run his hands through her hair, and feel her hot breath on his neck. He wanted to hold onto her and never let her go, letting her know that in his arms she would always be safe.

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind from the intensity of that moment. Clarke backed away as well, crossing her arms over her chest. He suddenly remembered what he'd came for in the first place.

Bellamy coughed and reached his arms around to his back, "I brought you something."

"You didn't have to do that, didn't Monty tell you he already dropped everything off today?"

"Relax, Clarke", he finally found what he was searching for, pulling the sketchbook and art supplies out from his pack.

"Oh", he heard her gasp.

He walked over to her and placed it all into her hands, smiling at the look of total bewilderment in her eyes.

"I got it from the bunker, I figured you probably wouldn't be going back there, and well, it's a shame to just let it sit there. Besides, I mean, I figured if you're out here all by yourself this could at least be somewhat – "

His mumbling was cut off when he felt her reach up and plant a soft kiss to his cheek, "I love it, Bellamy. Thank you, really." She moved back and stared at the book in her hands, "I needed this."

He scratched the back of his head and shifted his eyes across the room so they looked anywhere but her, trying to conceal the heat he felt rising to his cheeks, "Yeah, uh, no problem."

In his perhipheral he could make out the slight upturn of her lips, and he realized he didn't care if he looked like an idiot, as long as it got her to smile.

"Hey, sit down over there would you?"

He furrowed his brows in confusion, but did as he was told. She sat down opposite him with her legs crossed, opening the sketchbook and spreading it across her lap.

"Ok, now keep you're chin up straight. The lighting in here is pretty terrible, but I think if you do that I'll be able to make it work."

Bellamy put his hands up in protest, "Wait a second, no no no, you are not drawing me."

Clarke huffed and rolled her eyes in exasperation, "Don't be such baby, it's just a picture."

"What if you mess up my nose?"

"Are you serious? For crying out loud, Bellamy, just do it."

He couldn't stop himself from laughing, he'd forgotten how easy it was to get her frustrated.

"Easy there Princess. Alright fine, whatever you say", he leaned his head back and closed his eyes in defeat.

"Bellamy.. you have to keep your eyes open."

He opened them and looked right at her. Clarke was staring at him intently and he was unable to stop himself from noticing the intimacy of this moment.

She took one of the pencils, and bowed her head and slowly started to sketch, looking up at him and down at the paper quickly.

He broke the silence, "So, I think we should talk about –

"Shh", she silenced him. "You can't move your lips, you're going to mess me up."

"Alright, fine, then you talk."

Clarke stared up at him with a brow raised, "What do you want to hear?"

"Everything."

* * *

They stayed like that for what felt like an hour, and Clarke finally told him everything that'd happened while he was gone. His eyes had widened when she recounted the gorilla incident, "What? A _gorilla_? And here I thought the panther was the worst it could get." That comment had earned him another scloding, Clarke muttering about how he expected her to draw him when he wouldn't stop moving? But even with her nagging, he couldn't stop himself from bursting out again, more than once.

"_You may be the chancellor, but I'm in charge?_ Damn, Princess, I'm impressed. I wish I could have seen the look on Abby's face."

Clarke had smiled at that one, and he even thought he saw her blush. She went on and on, telling him about everythign he'd missed, leaving out none of the gory details. But, she didn't mention Tondc, or the betrayal she faced in front of the doors to Mount Weather. She didn't have to, they'd already had that painful conversation on the walk back. But Bellamy couldn't help but notice the way the light seemed to go out of her eyes, her frown turn a little deeper, whenever she mentioned Lexa. Yet, he didn't press her, just like she hadn't pressed him when the air was sucked out of his chest when he'd told her about Lovejoy and his son. Some things were too painful to say outloud, and one look was enough to convey it all.

Eventually she'd trailed off and they sat in silence, Bellamy letting her concentrate. He himself became distracted by the way her hair fell across her face, and the way she brushed it away in annoyance. He mesmerzied by everything she did, even the simple way her forehead creased in concentration.

"There", she called out. "Done."

"Finally," he said, as he stretched out the kinnk that had formed in his neck. Clarke stared at him, and back down at the picture, still clutching the book in her hands.

"What, I don't get to see?"

She scooted over into the space next to him, and placed the sketchbook in his hands tentatively.

Even though she'd chided him to keep a striaght face, the moement she'd captured hadn't been serious at all, rather just the opposite, it was of him laughing. The picture was so realistic, and she'd taken care to draw in every single detail. It took his breath away, but more than that, it made him feel at peace. He didn't look like the worried brother, and he didn't look like the exhausted soldier. Instead, she'd brought out what he'd always wanted to be, _happy_.

"Wow," he breathed unable to keep the awe from his voice, "Clarke.. this is... this is amazing."

She smiled, "You sound surprised, what, did you doubt me?"

Bellamy knew she was teasing, but he shook his head and whispered softly, "_Never_."

She stared at him for a long time, until she looked down, staring intently at her hands.

"You should come home," he blurted out. He saw her tense and he realized how she'd taken that, so he hastily backtracked trying to lighten things up again, "Just, you know, to decorate the place up a little bit... I don't know.. draw some trees or something. And we could also use you on the security council.. Miller can't draw maps for shit."

Clarke laughed, "Hey, I'm sure he tries his best."

Bellamy shrugged, "He can try his best, but they better not come blaming me when his patrol groups end up getting lost or walking right off a damn cliff."

She chuckled again, before trailing off, slowly bringing her head down to rest on his shoulder. He felt her retreating back into her own mind, and he desperately wished he could stop her. She paused for a moment before she looked up at him earnestly, "I will, you know."

"What?", Bellamy asked, resting his chin atop her head.

"Come home", she breathed out heavily as if the words themselves were difficult for her to say. "I willl. _Eventually_."

Bellamy didn't know if she was trying to convince him or herself, but he decided that didn't matter. Those words were exactly what he needed to hear, and he clung to them with all his might. And so said he finally had the strenght to say the only thing he thought would bring her that same kind of peace.

"I know."

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys! Sorry it took me a bit longer to update this one... this week has literally been a week from hell, so thanks for being patient :) I decided to keep this one all in Bellamy's POV, but next chapter is going to be back to Clarke. This turned out to be a bit fluffier than I was intending, but screw it, I just couldn't resist :P


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